Learning to love: the importance of relationships for people with learning disabilities

Relationships are an important part of life. They give us positive feelings, like love and happiness, instil a sense of value and belonging, and support us to understand our place in the world.

Healthy relationships enrich our lives and foster within us a sense of comfort and empowerment. Whatever type of relationship we’re engaged in, we feel confident to express our wishes and needs, ensuring our partnerships work for us.

People with learning disabilities have the same needs as people without learning disabilities when it comes to relationships. For most, meaningful connections support their social development and emotional wellbeing as well as boosting confidence and improving self-esteem.

But when it comes to establishing relationships, people with learning disabilities often face big barriers. With a lack of accessible information and appropriate support, they’re often nervous about engaging in loving relationships.

Across the UK, our dedicated learning disability support teams understand how important relationships are to the people we support. Through expert training and experience, they know what barriers people with learning disabilities face when approaching relationships.

Together, we navigate these obstacles, ensuring the people we support are informed, aware, and confident when building relationships with others.

Let’s talk about sex

Sex is a natural, important part of adult life for many people. An expression of love, this intimacy creates a profound bond of trust and respect between two people.

Healthy relationships include consensual sex and promote a deeper sense of value within a relationship.

We all have a right to learn about sex and the part it plays in healthy relationships. Many of us receive some sexual education at school. As we become independent adults, additional information is available in doctor’s surgeries and GUM or family planning clinics.

For people with learning disabilities, it can be much harder to access this information.

A photo of a man and a woman looking at a book together. The man is smiling at the woman. A written quotation reads: "We provide education on sexual health and relationships in many different ways. The people we support have benefitted from informative sessions with Sexual Health Nurses and safeguarding professionals, so they know what's healthy and safe. By Clare Agnew, Registered Manager at Dumfries Supported Living."

With accessible information hidden away, they often don’t have opportunities to learn about healthy sexual relationships. This means they might experience anxiety around the subject of sex. When engaging in intimate relationships, they’re at risk of being exposed to vulnerable situations.

People who get good relationship and sex education have a better understanding of sexual health and have less risk of sexual abuse. Lack of accessible education and resources can have negative effects on people with learning disabilities. It may increase their risk of negative sexual experiences, developing illnesses, and unexpected pregnancies.

When it comes to sexual relationships, stigmas in society also create obstacles for people with learning disabilities by building unfair misconceptions. Many people with learning disabilities want loving relationships and have capacity to consent to intimacy.

At Dumfries Supported Living, our expert team supports people with learning disabilities to establish intimate relationships and receive accessible information about sex.

Through person-centred support, we take time to understand why relationships are important to each person and support them to understand what’s healthy and safe for them.

Adapting our communication methods to suit individual needs – like using social stories and Makaton – we provide information in a comfortable way, supporting them to understand potential risks in sexual relationships.

Checking in with them regularly, we empower the people we support with confidence, so they can make safe, informed choices, and engage in healthy relationships.

A picture of a man and a woman sitting on a bed, listening to music through headphones. A quotation reads: "It's important the people we support understand the role of communication in relationships. We use different methods to show this - like social stories - ensuring they're empowered to express themselves. By Clare Agnew, Registered Manager at Dumfries Supported Living."

Safe and secure with specialist support

With specialist learning disability training, our teams understand the wider issues surrounding people with learning disabilities and romantic relationships.

At Dumfries Supported Living, when a person we support wants to pursue a romantic relationship, there are procedures we might need to follow to ensure their safety. Our teams check whether any legal restrictions are in place for each person. In Scotland, Welfare Guardianships are implemented when someone’s legally deemed to lack capacity in certain areas of their life.

If establishing a romantic relationship or consenting to sexual contact are one of these areas, we discuss this with the individual’s nominated welfare guardian and any other members of their support network they choose.

If we’re notified of any restrictions upon personal relationships, we involve other professionals for guidance and support – like their Social Worker. Together, we provide a secure network around the individual, ensuring their safety and wellbeing are prioritised.

Adding another layer of security, we also conduct checks in line with ‘Claire’s Law’. A legal scheme to prevent abusive relationships, these checks identify whether prospective romantic partners have a history of abuse.

Provided by the police, they’ll indicate whether there are any concerns about the named individual and whether they have a history of domestic violence or abuse towards previous partners.

When an individual lacks capacity, we respect their right to establish meaningful relationships. We work in partnership with other professionals as a multi-disciplinary team. Following vital processes and procedures, we provide wrap around support, ensuring individuals are safe and supported in their relationships.

Relationship red flags

When people with learning disabilities do have capacity to consent to personal relationships, their needs might still make them vulnerable to the intentions of others. Continued specialist support, like at Dumfries Supported Living, ensures they’re in control of relationships with the support of a professional team to keep them happy and safe.

Our teams respect the privacy of each person we support but also understand the risks and dangers they might face when starting a new relationship.

Sadly, someone might see a person with learning disabilities as an easy target and take advantage of them. They may abuse their trust for personal gain. For example, they may take their money or other items of value; take their medication or hurt the individual.

Our teams are experienced in identifying common relationship red flags and when a person we support is at risk of being mistreated.

These red flags include someone meeting a new contact but receiving lots of additional friend requests over social media from strangers. Their housemates within our services may also get these too.

Other red flags include changes to the individual’s behaviour and shifts in their personality. They may experience noticeable changes in mood and their social habits, such as how much money they spend, might change.

By using person-centred support and getting to know each person as an individual, our teams understand what usual behaviour is and what might be cause for concern.

Building trusting, collaborative relationships with the people we support, our teams are pillars of emotional support. Instilling rich family values throughout our services, they’re always on hand for discreet conversations and sage advice.

First dates

Often, our support teams chaperone the people we support when they meet a new partner for the first time. If the first few meetings go well, and we’re sure it’s a safe relationship for them, we’ll respect their privacy and support them to be autonomous in their relationship. But we remain diligent in monitoring their welfare and happiness, ensuring we approach any matters of concern with sensitivity and respect.

At our supported living services, like Dumfries Supported Living, the people we support live with as much independence as they choose. Living in their own single occupancy accommodation, they can have visitors at any time and independently establish relationships if they wish.

A quotation from Clare Agnew, Registered Manager at Dumfries Supported Living. "We often chaperone the people we support when they meet a potential romantic partner for the first time. We'll go along for their first few meetings to observe from a distance. We know the signs of red flags and whether someone's at risk, which we need to ensure doesn't happen."

At times when we do support them, we’ll ensure we check in with them about their relationships and lend a friendly ear if they have any concerns.

When it comes to matters of the heart, we’re all experts through practice and navigate our own unique experiences. So, if challenges arise, we look at how we can work through them with the individual’s best interests at heart.

Feelings of fulfilment

In a survey conducted by Sense, the national disability charity, over half of disabled people reported feeling lonely, with young adults aged 18-34 feeling the deepest impact of loneliness.

Loneliness is linked to physical and mental health problems – including high blood pressure, depression, and even early death – creating an overall poorer quality of life.

Fostering meaningful relationships with others – romantic or otherwise – combats feelings of loneliness and supports overall wellbeing.

Meaningful relationships are important for people with learning disabilities for the same reasons. Alongside benefits to our health, relationships support people with learning disabilities to feel fulfilled and build trust with others, encouraging authenticity and honesty.

Through supportive relationships, people with learning disabilities also cultivate a sense of belonging, with reassurance that other people care for and value them.

Feelings of isolation are a particular issue for people with learning disabilities. Based on their needs, they often benefit from social stimulation. Many people with learning disabilities struggle with confidence and self-esteem. Stigmas in society create barriers for them to make friends, have personal relationships, and meet new people.

These interactions are important to their needs. Meeting diverse types of people increases their confidence, supports social and communication skills, and promotes good mental health and physical wellbeing.

Increased social opportunities expose them to new opportunities and support them to establish new interests and passions – creating more happiness and fulfilment.

Empowered, safe, and happy

Across the UK, our residential and supported living services support people with learning disabilities to combat feelings of loneliness by making them visible in their local communities.

At Dumfries Supported Living, our team do this in many ways, including supporting individuals to use public transport, and access local amenities, like shops, cafes, and pubs. Some of the people we support have established valuable friendships in the local community from these inclusive activities.

Alongside preventing loneliness, visibility and involvement in the local community have other benefits for people with learning disabilities. Increasing awareness, it helps communities build more understanding of the capabilities of people with learning disabilities and nurture wrap around support, so people with learning disabilities feel included, empowered, safe, and happy.

Find out more

To find out more about our learning disability support and how we can help you, a loved one, or a client, fill out our simple enquiry form and a member of our team will be in touch.